Gentle

2022’s word of the year

It’s my specialty to start blogs and then have great intentions of writing, but then not doing it. Although, this time my reasoning is that i tried to start a blog in the month of December. The month that i can barely keep my head on straight. Then came January and I expected to be ignited with a new desire to write, make time for myself, i had these big expectations, as if i have never experienced January in the PNW before. January is by far the worst month for my Seasonal Depressive disorder, but its like i forget every year. January is the month i want to be all the things, but end up hardly surviving. So, here we are on the 27 day of the longest month of the year and I’m finally sitting down, forcing myself to tell you about my word for the year before i feel it loses its relevance.

It’s been at least 8 years of choosing a word of the year. Each year its been something i chose to live by as much as possible, or at least try to remember in the long days that are ahead. I love looking at the year though the lens of that word and seeing how God weaved that theme into my life. Some of the words I’ve chosen over the years have been Brave and needy, nurture, create, invest and becoming. All have been beautiful markers of my life and i am so grateful for this practice i have given myself.

I usually spend a month praying, thinking and asking those who know me best what word I should pick. It’s usually very obvious as it seems to be a theme that keeps appearing in my life. This year was no different. All of the fall the word was rattling around in my brain and my heart. When i finally nailed it down, i knew it was going to be a word that would require growth in many ways. A little apprehensive about adding more “hard things” to life as a homeschooling mother during a pandemic with an anxiety disorder and being a semi recovered germaphobic (more on that later) i knew that this word was the one i had to commit too.

Gentle.

The last 2 years have been anything but that. Hardly anything about Covid life has been gentle. In many ways, the idea of a gentle life feels like a faraway dream. What does that even look like? I do not know. Does gentle mean you never yell, are always soft spoken and oozing lavender essential oils everywhere you go? (If it does count me out because ya girl is an ashamed yeller) i cant honestly tell you what it means for me, but what i do know is that its the word thats imprinted itself into my heart, my mind and now my life.

Gentle. Each day I’m striving to feel the gentle love of Jesus, without putting my walls up to him and allowing him to slowly seep back into parts of my life. Gentle means, trying my best not to yell, but also knowing i will mess this up and always coming back to apologize. Gentle means taking the harshness out of my life, trading in my anger and fear of the last 2 years for a more tender mindset, a kinder more thoughtful mindset instead of immediately jumping straight to aggression. Gentle, a style of learning that i desire to implement in our homeschooling rhythms and also in my own learning, taking cues from the master of gentleness himself, Mr Fred Rogers. (Truly one of my hero’s) Gentle in my parenting, although this month hasn’t proved i desire that. Learning to listen, tenderly cultivate their little lives instead of push them through to the end result i want. Gentle in loving my husband, in caring for his needs while not forgetting my own, in how i speak and act towards him even and especially during times of disagreement. Gentle. Gently allowing myself to dip back into church after 7 years of unimaginable pain, anger and distrust. Gently moving forward to know Jesus and his people, genuinely. Gently giving myself permission to stop, to breathe, to run, to laugh and to pursue the things that bring me joy.

A year of gentleness. I keep thinking about how rewarding this word is going to be. How there’s nothing to lose in becoming more gentle. There’s so much to gain in this one word. There’s so much in my life that can drastically change just by allowing gentle curiosity, kindness, tenderness in, there’s so much to let go of, so much quickness and stress to trade in for an ease of a more gentle life. I want to watch the scowl lines on my face disappear into laugh lines. I want to be known for having a gentle life, not one full of hurry and aggressive behaviors, but one that feels soft when it needs too and loud when it’s appropriate.

I’m excited to watch this word and year unfold. Excited for change in a world that wants us all to fight and disagree and cancel and tear down, excited to trade that in for something different, something that will make an impact now and for years to come. I’m looking forward to writing about the ways I’m learning to adopt this word as a way of life and to start sharing in this space, a space that feels safe and new, full of all kinds of possibility and beauty.

I hope you’ll be happy to follow along, i sure am glad you are here.

Xo,

A